It’s not intuitive for young people.” Focus on their strengths “You’re helping them figure out how you figure out big questions. “Ask them just some basic questions because they don’t have the criteria for decision-making yet,” Miller said. Would they like to strengthen their friendships right now, or could they really use some quiet time? Is this a friend that they would like to get to know better, or is there another friend they’d prefer to hang out with? If your child is struggling with whether to have a friend over for a playdate, for example, talk to them about their goals and priorities. Then, the next time, it won’t take so long.” Talk about goals So sometimes it takes our patience and our wait time to let them struggle through it with us by their side. “But to a child who is struggling, it is a big whoop. “It’s so easy for us to step in and do it, and we don’t even think twice about it because it’s a mundane everyday issue. “Choices do not need to be big, dramatic and monumental to have an impact on a child’s confidence,” Miller said.Īs they’re considering their options, give them some time. Give them options and be patientĬrayons or markers? Bike ride or playground? Instead of mapping out their day for them, give young children some control during it. If mom gives you two choices, but she’s really wanting you to pick one, that’s not an authentic choice.”įor kids who have difficulty making decisions, Miller suggests three strategies to boost their abilities. “And those smaller choices need to be authentic. “In order to become a responsible decision maker, you need a whole lot of rehearsal with smaller choices,” Miller said. The key, said Jennifer Miller, an expert in social and emotional learning and author of “Confident Parents, Confident Kids,” is giving kids plenty of opportunities to make those smaller decisions. In the moment, they can become paralyzed with indecision as parents grow frustrated wondering why they can’t just pick between, for example, popcorn or candy at the movie theater. While some kids have no problem landing on their desired choice, for others, it’s a struggle. “Decision making is crucial because the decisions your children make dictate the path that their lives take.” “ Decision making is one of the most important skills your children need to develop to become healthy and mature adults,” Taylor writes. And when kids suffer from a poorly made choice, they’ll learn to make a better one next time. A well-made decision leads to satisfaction and fulfillment, writes Jim Taylor, author and psychologist, in Psychology Today. It doesn’t matter, after all, if she picks the chicken nuggets or pizza off the menu one night or dons a red or blue shirt to go to school.īut the skills children develop while making these seemingly inconsequential decisions now can have a big impact on the people they will ultimately become. How can I help her? The decisions children make when they’re young likely will have little bearing on their future She has such difficulty making decisions. Even a question about whether she wants a good friend to come over can ruin her day as she waffles between yes or no. Every time we’re at a restaurant, if we let her, she’d take 30 minutes to decide what she wants to order. When she was picking out a new shirt at the store, she had a meltdown because she couldn’t decide between red or blue. Q: My daughter can’t make a decision to save her life.
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